How about a round of applause? Standing ovation?Something...’Cause, I bloody well deserve it!The story (my story, not Ms. James’, mind you) goes like this...Everybody’s suddenly talking about this book (okay, books, whatever), fan-fiction/fantasy/BDSM/the best book of the year, decade, and so on and so on. Naturally, it irks me just about enough, and I feel the need to see what all the fuss is about (the same mistake I’ve made with The Da Vinci Code, if I may add - and, yes, I will continue to mention it any chance I get). It even sounded interesting enough. Not the fan-fiction part. I haven’t even read Twilight, so that’s not something I’d pay attention to. But, that BDSM part... well, it’s not like I’ve never read erotica before. I have. And, there’s some pretty good stuff there. You should give it a try sometimes. It may surprise the hell out of you. So, basically, that’s what decided. Yes, I’d love to read it, thank you.And I started it... and I was yawning like mad after ten pages. Maybe less. And I was bored to death after I (almost) finished the first third of it. If nothing else, the very thought that I’m two thirds away from the finish made me groan. So, I’ve just put it aside. Only for a while. Those stupid lines like – you’re not in the right mood/give it a rest/it’ll get better... One whole month went by, and I still wasn’t in the right mood/didn’t feel I’ve given it enough rest/and it most certainly DID NOT get any better just by staying unfinished.Let me tell you something – I never leave a book unfinished. I’m like that – I’ll pick a book, and I’ll finish it whatever it takes. With a lot of "please, give me something here" and "this is sooooo not good". So, as the time went by it just kept pissing me off, more and more. And I snapped. Eventually, I told myself – "Self, you WILL finish this book. You need to do it. You MUST do it. If nothing else, think of your own peace of mind. You’ll be able to write a proper review and let all that righteous anger loose."Yeah, I’m like that. So, here, I FINISHED THIS BOOK. And, most importantly - I AM FINISHED WITH THIS BOOK.Now, what’s really bugging me is this – have any of you people that loved it, hell even liked it, ever had sex? Seriously? Was it a good one? Are you absolutely sure?What about the author?Why am I asking this? Well, because I’m sure (and I mean positive, no doubt in my mind) that a person who knows what good sex is all about, what BDSM relationship is all about, and is not a masochist (and, I mean real masochist, not a submissive) would never, ever consider this hot. No chance in hell!And I like a hot story. LOVE IT. The one that leaves me swooning, panting and trembling all over.I don't know... if it wasn't for the poor writing, that kept annoying me more and more, maybe I'd like it. At least a bit. But it is poorly written, unfortunately, and it left me... disgusted.Another thing - this does not look like a BDSM relationship. Not even close. It's more like an abusive guy, that's abusive because he suffered abuse and now feels like it's pay back time. Not to mention his constant whispering creeped the hell out of me. What was that about?And Ana. She's - holy shit... oh my... holy fuck... - don't even let me start on that one.This was all sooooo wrong and sooooo bad that even that tampon scene (yes, that scene) passed by, and I was just... it works for you? You into messy? Great, let's get this over with.Anyway, if you happen to read this, please consider that BDSM part is not quite accurately presented.If you're into BDSM stories, or any kind of kinky fuckery for that matter, you should seriously consider checking these authors:Cherise Sinclair - "Masters of the Shadowlands" series ROCKS.Brynn Paulin - short stories - BDSM, m-m, m-m-f, and a happy ever after is guaranteed!Joey W. Hill - fuckin' genius when it comes to style.That said, off I go to read a good book, and try to forget this ASAP.